Communication with difficult customers?

Communication with difficult customers
How to cope with problematic cases? Communication with difficult customers
How to cope with problematic cases?
Why is the difficult customer angry?
got angry previously somewhere else
could not assert their rights
is late
is in a difficult life situation
is sick / family member is sick / has got an ache
Exhausted / depressed / anxious
Gives vent to his anger in the library, letting his frustration.
the librarian is not the cause but the potential partner to calm down the angry patron
Scale
Frustrated
Upset
Angry
Complaining
Blaming
Furious
Untolerable behaviour
Types of behaviour:
Type A
Manager: independent -- leader
works in a team
Problems mean challange
Realistic assessment of personal capabilities
Can ask for help without envy
Planning, making priority, strive and help other to do the same
They are assertive and respect the aims of colleagues
Type B behaviour
Similar to type A: task-oriented, likes independence and self-reliance
Wishes to control their environment
Tends to behave in an aggressive manner
Pays less attention to the feelings and needs of others
Control above others is crucially important in case of being threatened in achieving their goals
Inclined to communicate 'one-way'
Type C behaviour
The contrary of type A and B - "locus of control" is in others' hand
Feels little power at hand
Searches for caring and avoids refusal
Gives up instead of fighting for their rights
Type B may intimidate them so they flatter them
Looks for acceptance and support
Prefers to be admitted as good assistant, helper
Type D behaviour
Feels to be in lack of personal power and ability to contact others
Very fragile, offensive
Likes routine tasks, avoids decision-making, establishing rules or processes
Does not like to be disturbed
In case their safety is threatened by others, they become mute, generally they do not communicate often
Their behaviour can be frustrating to type A and B
How to handle difficult customers?
Be aware: you must stay calm
2. Take a deep breath:
Slowly exhale through your mouth and inhale through your nose
3. This process helps to realize your feelings
4. Slows 'FIGHT OR FLIGHT' reaction
5. Helps to find the solution
Step back in your head and in reality, this is the way to neutralize your feelings
Listen to the customer in silence, whatsoever his behaviour is
In the meantime try to find some solutions
Do NOT interrupt the patron, it can cause further frustration
Show empathy
If he cannot find the requested book 'I hope we will find the requested book'
Avoid negative sentences: Instead of saying: "We never lend handbooks" you should say: "Reference books are regulary used in the reading room but we can make photocopies of chapters"
Speake politely and be determined
Reframing
Try to find an explanation of the patron's behaviour
When the patron has left
Leave your desk if possible
If it's not, have a pause for 15-30 seconds
Try to relax and inhale deep
In case you can have pause
Go for a short walk, near to a fountain or lake, listen to the sound of streaming water
Find some natural light, sunshine
Do some yoga exercises
In case you must stay at the information desk
Make an imaginary journey
Put calming photos nearby: riverside, forest, waterfall, flowers, windmills, etc.
Put your thoughts and unpleasent feelings into a balloon, let it float, then let it go and eliminate
~
You may talk to a reliable friend
In case you are upset: make an official note and destroy it
Put down the intimidating behaviour and send it to your boss immediately
Self-examination
Have you done your best???
If YES: do NOT have guilty conscience
If NO: improve your skills and competencies
Psychologists suggest
Psychotherapists meet difficult persons all their working hours - however they are satisfied with their profession
What should librarians learn from psychologists?
Who is called a 'difficult customer'?
According to Berne: the person who asks for help only for the purpose to refuse it
It depends on the psychotherapist: his expectancies, level of tolerance, his needs, and his experiences
Difficult person is labelled 'irritating', 'aggressive', or 'annoying' by others, - it is NOT an objective category
Roots…
Generally difficult customers suffer from early childhood traumas
They seek help in adulthood but at the same time they are afraid of being refused, reliving or get another trauma, or getting defenceless
Psychotherapists assume they try to relive the early childhood trauma because they are unable to express verbally their emotions experienced at that time
Ambivalent behaviour
Due to early childhood traumata they identify sometimes with the role of the AGGRESSOR or with the role of the VICTIM in their life
The key to success
The more optimistic we are the more successfully we will cope with stressful clients
According to studies: those who speak and dress more 'free and easy', mention their work experiences more often are the more successful to overcome
In case the customer behaving harsh and rude with the librarian he expects the librarian to do the same
Please do not step into that trap!
We are professional helpers, in case they can throw us off balance it will interfere with our 'helper' identity nevertheless
Instead of suppressing our negative feelings, the better solution is to realize and accept them
FIGHT or FLIGHT
Therapists' and librarians' first instinctive reaction is: Fight or flight
No fight - no flight
Simply let the customer to ventillate - 'ACTING OUT' - that is the way to neutralize the situation
~
Staying calm is the way to show another solution besides the victim or the aggressor
DO NOT LET TO BE THROWN OFF THE HELPER POSITION
BE AWARE: the behaviour of the difficult customer is NOT against the librarian - this is the way he generally communicates
Acceptance
The best strategy is acceptence
Do not avoid, do not flight, do not judge, only accept
Debating will pour gasoline on fire
Some therapist paradoxically even agree with the patient - so they disarm them
In case the client abuses
UNNECESSARY: to abuse, speak ill, or to run against the client
INEFFECTIVE: tell him to stay calm
EFFECTIVE: offer a behaviour pattern: if the librarian speaks and behaves slowly and moderately will show to the customer the situation can be kept under control and there is no reason to behave histerically
The difficult customer - CHALLANGE
It is a potential urge to improve our knowledge
Perfect our communication
We can learn to handle every kind of situation
These skills can be developed in real life situations (not yet in the curriculum of librarian training)
Further readings
Fescemyer, Kathy: Healing after the unpleasant outburt: recovering from incidents with angry library users. In: Reference Librarian 2002. No.75/76.
Quinn, Brian: How psychotherapists handle difficult clients: Lessons for librarians. Rererence Librarian 2002. Bo.75/76.
Rubin, Rhea Joyce: Defusing the angry patron. New York: Neal-Schuman 2000.
Smith, Kitty: Serving the difficult customer. New York: Neal-Schuman 1993. angol